Beth and Bojack
by bebezord
Summary: Beth is going fix this horse's heart - this time, without surgery.
1. Chapter 1

Beth was bored. With the kids at jerrys house (or in an adventure with Rick, or dating, or doing drugs - whatever, she didn't really care), the house was empty. She found herself at the garage, rummaging through Rick's boxes.

\- I'm meeseks, look at me!

\- Mr meeseeks, find me Rick's portal gun or something like that.

She looked at the blue man, with an almost finished bottle of wine in her hand. He didn't find a portal gun, per se, but got a weird ass prototype of it. The heavy box was forgotten on the back of the garage, and she thought it was good enough. Mr Meeseeks dissappeared and she wished she could do that too.

She was sad, but at least she... She didn't know how to complete this sentence. At least she had a way to escape without being dead? Probably. Her dad was a scientist, after all. She could go anywhere. And so she pressed the button on the box.

\- Hey.

\- Hey.

\- What are you doing here?

\- Wait, you can talk?

\- What? Of course I can. Why would you think I can't? Ugh. Would you do me a favour and get me the bourbon on the counter?

She was so confused. The portal box got her into someone's house, and that someone was a very upset and drunk horse, who could talk. Different universes, she guessed. At least there was alcohol in this one too.

\- I will, as long as I can have some.

\- Grab a glass. I'm feeling generous today.

They looked at each other, both were impressed. They had a few questions.

\- I have a few... - The woman and the horse said at the same time, and laughed. They weren't so different, after all. Bojack started asking.

\- Okay, so, are you real? I saw you coming from that green thing but I don't recall doing any drugs. Just, you know, alcohol.

\- Yeah, I'm real. I come from the dimension C-137.

\- What's that?

\- My universe. - She thought it was enough, but after the look Bojack gave her, she knew it wasn't. - You know, there are lots of universes, and I come from another one.

\- Really? Interesting. So you come from a universe where Horsing Around doesn't exist?

\- What's Horsing Around?

\- My TV show? Three little orphans, one two three? Without a home or a family tree?

\- I have no idea what you're talking about.

\- So you don't know me? What about my book? Or Secretariat?

\- No, I already told you I'm from a different universe! Aren't you paying attention?

\- It's hard to do that with those weird round eyes of yours. How are they so big?

\- How are you a horse? Why am I having this conversation with a horse?

\- Wow, okay. So just because I'm a horse I can't know about the universe and quantuum physics and shit? Come on, weird lady.

She sighed heavily and filled a glass with bourbon. Bojack looked at her while she downed it. He tried to make a funny or passive-agressive comment, but nothing came to mind - he was so drunk and weirded out by the whole situation. Beth drank another glass, and as she was filling another one she decided to try to make conversation. She couldn't come home, as it was unbearably lonely there, and that universe didn't try to kill her yet, so she stayed at his house, getting drunk.

\- So, you're an actor, huh?

\- Yeah. A movie actor, in fact.

\- But wasn't that Horsing Around a TV show?

\- Well, yeah, but that's what I did in the 90s.

\- What was that show about?

\- I played a horse who adopted three orphans.

\- The orphans were horses too?

\- No, they were human.

\- Are humans more common than horses?

\- Yeah. Why are we having this conversation again?

\- Because I wanna know how your universe works!

\- Why do you even care? Why would you come here in the first place?

\- Because my life is fucking terrible, and I'm so goddamn lonely I thought I'd come to a random universe, where I could maybe do something other than take care of my kids or go to work or watch TV!

There was a dramatic pause. He felt sorry for that woman for a second, but then he remembered that he felt the exact same, and thought she had it better than he did because at least she could go to different universes. She had it better, and yet felt the same. Also Beth probably wasn't a celebrity, so maybe it evened them out? They looked at each other, feeling a weird empathy. Beth needed another glass.

\- Wanna watch horsin around with me?

\- Okay.

They watched the pilot, as Bojack was telling her some curiosities about the show. She found the way he talked about it endearing, like he missed but regretted some of it. There were some times where he talked so much she couldn't follow what was happening on TV, but she was fine with it. In a way, he was just a really tall man, who was famous and a bit older than her. Just her type, not like that loser Jerry. He was still a horse though.

Bojack was also liking the company, but he likes anyone who'll listen to him. And Beth didn't know anything, so he could go on and on about his life. And she wasn't being paid for it, which made it even more sincere. Oh my God, why was she being so nice? Why was she listening so much to him? Was she not liking Horsin Around? What kind of person does not like Horsin Around?

Beth interrupted him and asked his name, afraid to offend him or cut the mood. They were talking for two hours now, and didn't know each others names. For her, it was like when she was in high school and snuck on bars, talking to strangers and trying to hide her age. For him, it was almost an out-of-body experience. Being so used to people knowing his name, or just knowing him as the horse from horsin around, was so refreshing. He could have a brand new start with this woman.

\- Bojack?

\- Yeah?

\- Are you as drunk as I am?

\- I don't know, maybe.

\- So people and animals here have normal relationships, right? Like, they can date and everything?

\- Yeah.

\- That's…

Beth started to talk, but wasn't able to finish, because she soon realised that, in this universe, people would take her job seriously. That whole thing about kissing Bojack would have to be left for later.

\- Bojack! You have to let me move in with you!

\- What? Don't you wanna do normal things before that, like, I don't know, having sex?

\- No! I'm a horse heart surgeon! In my universe, people don't call me a real doctor, but here, I am a real doctor!

\- So let me get this straight: you want to move in with me, so you can stay in this universe, where people like your job?

\- Yes.

\- No.

\- Come on, Bojack.

\- What do you expect me to say? You just come into my house, drink my bourbon, drink my wine, eat my apple fritters and then want me to let you stay? Without even having sex with me?

\- I can have sex with you.

\- Really? Okay, then. You can stay, but just for today.

They walked up to his room, as Beth wondered if it'd fit. She discovered that it would, but Bojack got kinda sad when she said "wow, it's smaller than I thought!"


	2. Chapter 2

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p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"- Hey, uh, I think I'm gonna go back to my /- What? Why?br /- I don't know, this is just... too /- Yeah, you're probably not used to a nice place like /- I don't mean the place. I mean, it's a nice house, but that's not the only good thing here./p  
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p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"- /- No problem./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"She got the box and opened the portal. Bojack looked, as she went inside the green circle. Was he going to miss her? Was she going to miss him? He hoped not. Of course not. He didn't care about that completely different woman with great big eyes. What was the deal with those eyes? Why did the black part look like tiny assholes? Are they tiny assholes? No, right? Would she tell him to do something to them if they were tiny assholes? He thought about asking her that, but she was gone. He probably wouldn't anyway./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Alone again. It sure felt lonely in that house./p 


End file.
